Monday, May 29, 2017
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
It's been awhile since I have posted. The end of 2016 was chaotic and emotional to say the least. The holidays and the anniversary of Doug's death brought about an emotional whirlwind that I wasn't quite prepared for. I also made a huge, life changing decision.
I decided to move 1200 miles away from home. I decided it was time for warm weather and a new start. Time to create the best life possible for myself and my family, time to be happy.
I am a bit nervous though. In all of my 40 years I have never traveled outside New England. I have lived in the same city for 35 years. I have lived on the same block for 11 years. In this house for 6. I don't really go very far from my comfort zone, and its time for that to change.
Back in November, Steve Harvey had a week long series on his talk show that he called 'Jump Week'. It was all about taking risks and chances to create your best life, and having the courage and strength to do so. Watching this series brought a thought that I had on the back burner to the forefront of my mind. I decided to take the risk.
I have a laundry list of reasons why I want to go and why this just needs to happen. Don't get me wrong, in some way Lawrence will always be home. But Lawrence is turning into a very scary place and it is time to go.
I must admit this past week has been rough. It has been emotional and bittersweet. Filled with quite a few 'last times' and alot of anxiety. Not to mention a two day Fibro Flare mixed in for good measure. It has also been exciting.
Today I embark on my journey. Today is the day I get to go on a road trip with two of my best friends and my youngest daughter. Today my adventure begins. I am off to warmer weather and a happier less stressful life. A fresh start.
For the first time in 40 years I am living my life for me. I am creating a life that will make me happy. No apologies, no regrets.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Sitting here being 40, I realize I'm not old. I am older and a bit wiser, but not old. People say "40 is the new 30", it's not it's 40. I am happy to be 40. I am happy that I have been given the gift of being on this earth for all these years. I am happy that I have survived with plenty of good memories. I am happy that the past is in the past, that I am no longer that same girl, and that in turning 40 I have realized just how much life I have left.
Creatively I've been stuck in a rut. I've spent a great deal of time lately surfing the internet searching for something new. Honestly, I have no idea what I am looking for, the wheel hasn't been reinvented yet. I spend time on Pintrest creating boards full of inspiration. But somehow I am still blocked.
In all my stumbling around looking for some kind of creative outlet I found the 30 Day Journal Project by Lisa Sonora. This has lit a fire under my butt. I spent my birthday weekend creating a journal for this challenge, which I will share with you below. I love both written and visual journaling, and this a perfect way to combine them.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Recently I decided to delete my entire online presence. Every blog post and YouTube video gone. I closed my art group and shutdown my Facebook like page. I've narrowed my friends list down from 190 friends on Facebook to 23. These 23 people are the ones I actually interact with online. I have deleted all but 2 of my social media accounts.
Why, you might ask? I needed to pare down, unplug, and de stress. 2016 has taught me alot of things thus far. The biggest thing that I have learned is that I am not the same person I used to be. I am truly beginning again. That is why I have come back to this place. The place where I started my online art journey, the place where I fell in love with it all.
Creating has always been a form of therapy for me. No matter what I've had happen in my life, creating has always helped me. It's hard for me to explain the effect that smearing paint into an art journal or making some decoration for my house has. But for me it works.
Keeping up with an online presence in the art community has always been a challenge for me. For a long time it was fun, I loved the challenge. As things in my life that were beyond my control started to consume every minute of my day it became more difficult. After the death of my husband and entering a new relationship it became even harder to keep up. I knew I had changed. I am not the same person I was when 2016 began. Not even close. It has taken me over 9 months to even really feel like blogging again. Sure I have written a few posts this year, but they were mostly about my grief and sorrow of my husband passing and the challenges I face as a widow at almost 40. I know I will always grieve his death, but I do not want to be stuck in that place of sorrow. I feel like I need to move forward towards happiness, instead of staying in that funk I've been in for years.
In 6 days I will be 40. Although I am not where I wanted to be in life at this point and find myself starting a whole new adventure that is so different from anything I have ever known. When I was younger I always thought that 40 was old. Now I am realizing that old hasn't even begin yet and is purely a state of mind. I have also realized just how much life that I have left to live. I am bound and determined to make my life the best I can. All of the struggles along the way are merely speed bumps, learning experiences.
There have been so many times this year when giving up would have been the easiest thing to do. There have been times when I have wholeheartedly wanted nothing more than to find a rock to climb under. The only problem with this train of thought is that I don't give up, ever. I am not programmed to and wouldn't even know what that would look like. I was raised to be strong, I was raised to be a survivor, a warrior woman that can withstand any storm.
I was raised by parents who have survived so much in life, who don't give up, who have loved me unconditionally since the day I was born. I am very blessed to have my parents and to have been raised by them. They have taught me more than I think they even realize. I would not be who I am without them.
As I begin again, I am excited to share my journey. I am excited to be back here where it all began. I am excited for the new adventures that lie in front of me.